Monday, May 5, 2008

Showin' Out

This is Piper Perabo at last night's Costume Institute Gala at the Met. And yes, this is the same Piper Perabo who just a few short years ago was wistfully writing songs on the roof of her Chinatown tenement in what I like to call that movie with Tyra Banks and the really hot Australian actor who never went on to do anything, or as others might know it Coyote Ugly:

Now, I realize we all go through stages in our lives and reinvention is the name of the game in Hollywood / Celebrity Clusterfucksville, but when did reinventing yourself as a man in drag become a viable option? That lipstick gives her a mustache for christ's sake! And, okay, so it's sort of vampy and retro and possibly more interesting / event-appropriate than 90% of the dresses showcased last night, but I don't get what superhero she's summoning with this look. Her hair and lips lead me to believe that possibly she's going for a Tim Curry in Legend reference, but that would be in-fucking-sane, right?


Speaking of Legend, Tom Cruise was there last night and looked not awful, but did decide to do some tone-on-tone-age which irritates the living shit out of me anytime I see it outside of an editorial spread.

Might I remind you that the last time that look was acceptable was when Regis Philbin hosted Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and even back then it was highly suspect:

Thank god Katie saved the day (all puns intended) with her awesome dress that I think hit the perfect note between being wearable and getting the superhero theme across. She seems to be going for a Wonder Woman nod here, but in an awe-inspiringly subtle way:

Red, white, and blue color scheme? Check. Gold cuffs? Check. Magic lasso looped around neck? Check, check!

Bravo, Katie. I love you a little more each and everyday. Even if you do cheat at marathons.

And lest I forget Rachel Bilson... oh, dear sweet Rachel Bilson.

I'm crying inside a little bit for her right now. So many things went wrong here that I'd be hard pressed to identify her Achilles' heel... oh, wait, might it be that this godawful dress makes her look about twice as wide as she is tall. That's some powerful eye-trickery going on there; I feel like it's 1993 and I'm staring into the depths of a Stereogram or something. And the BANGS. Oh God the BANGS!

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