Friday, July 25, 2008

Lil' Na Na

Coincidences are funny for the following reason:

"Simon & Schuster has filed two separate suits in NY State court against female rappers Foxy Brown (Inga Marchand) and Lil' Kim (Kimberly Jones) for books they did not deliver. The publisher says they paid Brown $75,000 in 2005 for an autobiography due on February 2006, and that they paid Lil' Kim $40,000 in 2003 for a novel that was due in June 2004."
-Publisher's Marketplace

So obviously this isn't a coincidence and Simon & Schuster's lawyers are being completely racist trying to make a point by filing these lawsuits on the same day, but really... it's your own damn fault.

I'm sorry, but which moron at Simon & Schuster was it exactly who thought that Foxy Brown or Lil' Kim were ever going to deliver a manuscript on time/at all? Even with the benefit of a ghostwriter - who's probs going to be doing all of the writing anyway - these two ladies have more important things to worry about like getting freakshow plastic surgery that leaves you looking not unlike a bloated Bratz doll, and trying to play catch-up to a better selling female rapper who looks like a bloated bratz doll.

Not that either of these women was at the height of her powers when they received their advances, but I'm still all, Kim, baby, you should've held out! Your story is worth more than 40 Grand! And bah that it was a novel you were supposed to write... we all know the plan was to deliver a thinly-veiled account of your own raucous existence: You were married to Biggie when he was murdered, you did that summer trannyfest with the Lady Marmalade girls AND you've been to prison. The story practically writes itself.

But maybe this just speaks to the evidence that Foxy really was a one time honor student. Sister's got her head on straight if, in 2005 when she was doing a total of nothing, Foxy was able to convince the S&S folks that she was worth $75,000. I'd place her somewhere in the mid 30s, but perhaps this is just because the thought of Foxy Brown making more money for writing a book than I make in an entire year is just too painful/difficult for me to comprehend.

Although I doubt it, I'm sort of curious if there was a "prison clause" in either of these ladies' contracts. I'm not sure how difficult it is to write moving prose while incarcerated, but I'm venturing a guess that it's not so fucking easy. Incidentally, Kim signed last May with St. Martin's to deliver a book about her time spent in a federal prison. As they say, good luck with that.

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