Friday, August 8, 2008

Will I ever be Olympia?

Fancy headdresses get me every time

The Olympics start tonight with what is undoubtedly the best event of the entire two week ordeal: the opening ceremonies. Sure there are the real events like track and field, diving, and gymnastics - all awesome in their own right - but tonight is all about pomp and circumstance and ridiculous nationalism mixed in with some hideous costuming-by-country. I have to say though that Ralph Lauren really hit it out of the park with the following:

I love these kids. I want to go yachting with them and then sleep with them. And note to the boys and girls on Project Runway: this is SO what they were talking about with this past week's challenge!

Who knew a navy blazer and a white newsboy cap could make me so proud to be an American? A stroke of brilliance like this is obviously the product of a lifetime of making American sportswear, but not all countries are as lucky to have their very own Ralphy L... case in point:

Those right there are the team unies for the Australians. Are they made out of DENIM? God help us if they are but regardless, these are uninspiring in so many ways. Not to mention that they make the team look like flight attendants. Which is cool and all if you, ya know, have a job that involves working for an airline. Hopefully the inherent hotness of Australians will be able to surmount this fashion atrocity, but it's doubtful.

However, the biggest offender at the 2008 games is probs going to be Canada:

They've already gotten a shit-ton of criticism for letting the Hudson Bay Co. design vomitous outfits that incorporate Canadian and Chinese symbols and text. I get it, I get it... this is what it's like when worlds collide, but frankly, do. not. want.

In a way, tonight will be better than Oscar night when my friends and I like to gather around the tube, eat food that will make us fat, drink copiously, and ridicule the insecure men and women who parade themselves down the red carpet. Oh sure we'll still be doing the eating and drinking part, just this time around we'll be doing it while watching a bunch of toned within and inch of their lives athletes who had no choice in what they're wearing. Haha... suckas!

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