Shopping For Sensible Flats

Belated birthday greetings are the best since they can extend your birthday festivities exponentially. In this department, I can rely on my mother's sister to supply every year. My birthday was on the 3rd and I, just yesterday, received a card from her. Awesome.

I'm not being facetious about this either. Okay, maybe the first year it happened it kind of bothered me, but now I've grown to love this quirk, much as I've grown to love my aunt's myriad quirks. Whatsmore, the card this year was so totally awesome that I just had to share. It... ahem... reads in part, we are so happy that you are where you want to be and are loving the life you have... etshitera, etshitera...

Although my aunt's barely veiled reference to homosexuality is pretty cringe-worthy, it's also definitively in-line with her reaction to the gays in general. When I officially came out to her this past Christmas (in the women's department of a DSW shoe warehouse, while shopping for sensible flats with my grandmother), my aunt was happy that I'd finally told her, but she also topped our little confection of a moment by saying, quote, Just remember John, I may not condone, but I will never condemn. Ummm, thanks... I guess.

I could feign anger and say that I am completely appalled by my aunt's reaction to my "disclosure", but I'd be lying. While I'm not over the moon that she isn't more accepting of the gays, I do still love her bunches and want to stay in her good graces since she's like a second mother to me.

And let's not even get started on how every single GD year she invites a friend to Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner who is obviously a gigantic lesbian. I mean, this chica straight up collects Highlander swords and limited edition manacles from the Bradford Exchange.

No one ever says anything about this friend being a dyke (except Bonnie and I when we're cackling in the corner), but if I know one thing, it's a gay twinkle in the eye when I see one over a tureen full of cranberry sauce.