Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Why I Hate Cats



Although I am loathe to post pictures of lolcats, this guy deserves special attention. I'm also convinced that if I ever did get a kitteh, I would find him doing this to me on a regular basis.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Lil' Na Na



Coincidences are funny for the following reason:

"Simon & Schuster has filed two separate suits in NY State court against female rappers Foxy Brown (Inga Marchand) and Lil' Kim (Kimberly Jones) for books they did not deliver. The publisher says they paid Brown $75,000 in 2005 for an autobiography due on February 2006, and that they paid Lil' Kim $40,000 in 2003 for a novel that was due in June 2004."
-Publisher's Marketplace


So obviously this isn't a coincidence and Simon & Schuster's lawyers are being completely racist trying to make a point by filing these lawsuits on the same day, but really... it's your own damn fault.

I'm sorry, but which moron at Simon & Schuster was it exactly who thought that Foxy Brown or Lil' Kim were ever going to deliver a manuscript on time/at all? Even with the benefit of a ghostwriter - who's probs going to be doing all of the writing anyway - these two ladies have more important things to worry about like getting freakshow plastic surgery that leaves you looking not unlike a bloated Bratz doll, and trying to play catch-up to a better selling female rapper who looks like a bloated bratz doll.

Not that either of these women was at the height of her powers when they received their advances, but I'm still all, Kim, baby, you should've held out! Your story is worth more than 40 Grand! And bah that it was a novel you were supposed to write... we all know the plan was to deliver a thinly-veiled account of your own raucous existence: You were married to Biggie when he was murdered, you did that summer trannyfest with the Lady Marmalade girls AND you've been to prison. The story practically writes itself.



But maybe this just speaks to the evidence that Foxy really was a one time honor student. Sister's got her head on straight if, in 2005 when she was doing a total of nothing, Foxy was able to convince the S&S folks that she was worth $75,000. I'd place her somewhere in the mid 30s, but perhaps this is just because the thought of Foxy Brown making more money for writing a book than I make in an entire year is just too painful/difficult for me to comprehend.

Although I doubt it, I'm sort of curious if there was a "prison clause" in either of these ladies' contracts. I'm not sure how difficult it is to write moving prose while incarcerated, but I'm venturing a guess that it's not so fucking easy. Incidentally, Kim signed last May with St. Martin's to deliver a book about her time spent in a federal prison. As they say, good luck with that.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

When It's Time To Change...



Living situations in flux suck, plain and simple. This is what I've had on my hands since the beginning of July when my beloved Kay-Kay told me she was moving in with her girlfriend and another mutual friend. Knowing myself, I would've expected to have been a LOT more upset about this particular turn of events, but I feel like I've been oddly Zen about the whole experience. Yes, it does still suck that I'll no longer be living with someone I feel so comfortable with - comfortable enough to not light a match after I've taken a shit - but I can make sacrifices.

Truth be told, I'm looking forward to my new living situation. After much belly aching, I finally broke down and put up the requisite Craigslist roommate ad, did three interviews with persons of varying sanity, and now I've settled on a wonderfully pleasant guy/new roomie from Michigan. I'm, of course, still waiting for him to rip off the mask and threaten me with a hot iron in the kitchen, but until that happens I'll consider myself lucky. After all, if Peter Brady can survive a talent show whilst in the throws of some wicked voice-changing drama, the least I can do is light a match after a dump.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Put A Pitchfork In It


My shoe is invisible!

For this very special 100th post on Baptized In Gin, I'm going to focus on how Pitchfork Music Fest was a big douchey letdown. I wish I had better news for such an auspicious occasion, but such is life.

This isn't to say that the fest is without it's good points - I did get a really unbelievable Dolly Parton screenprint and a ridiculously awesome drawing of a giraffe eating a watermelon - but both of these were secondary to reason most people go to Pitchfork which is, ostensibly, the music. Incidentally, Flatstock - the fest within a fest where I got these posters - is quickly becoming the only reason I will return to Pitchfork next year.


My other Pitchfork highlight: Big Man, Tiny Chair

I've always said that Music festivals were more like social events for me anyway since who really likes all the bands any one festival has to offer? If you do, you're not very discriminating and you're probably more than a little gullible, like the dude above who got suckered into buying a chair that's far too tiny for him. It's especially tragic since his buddies have adequately sized chairs and he just looks comical by comparison.

Anyway, if you read this blog, you know my history with Cut Copy. Well, staying true to form, the boys from Australia once again let me down, this time by not showing up in time for their set. I know it's probably not even their fault - in reality I'm blaming the event organizers - but when you're halfway through a smuggled-in bottle of booze and you've been waiting a good 40 minutes amongst a hot sweaty mass of potheads, your closest target is obviously the musicians you came to see in the first place.


Animal Collective on the Connector Stage

I will say that Jarvis Cocker was a revelation live - he swings his hips like David Bowie in his prime - and Animal Collective was better in person than I would've ever given them credit for. I'm still not downloading their album, but they definitely put a nice cap on my evening...

and here's to hoping that next year at least tries to blow me away.